Over time, this blog has turned in to a place where I occasionally speak my mind. I know a couple people that check it from time to time, but the audience doesn’t matter to me, it’s more a way to track my thoughts and some events in my life. So, this seemed like the perfect kind of thing to post here…
A friend of mine tried to commit suicide a few days ago after dealing with a bunch of life problems. She drank a bunch of alcohol and swallowed a bunch of pills in a decided attempt to end her life. After doing so, she, luckily, realized it was a bad idea and told her parents, who were luckily at home, what she had done. She was taken to the hospital to have her stomach pumped and is still under supervision and awaiting a doctor’s release.
I’m writing this because I just got back from visiting her. It was also the first time I met her parents, which was a little awkward. Thankfully, she’s doing well and seems to have accepted what she tried to do and stated that she has no plans to try it again. Still, she needs to be released by the doctor before she can leave, something she’s not too happy about, but understands.
Strangely, I feel kind of guilty about the whole thing, like I could have played a role in preventing it. The night she did this we had made plans to hang out, but she didn’t want to come over to my place and I couldn’t go over to hers since my truck was in the shop and I just got a ticket for having expired plates on my bike. So, we decided to do something over the weekend…. plans that weren’t fulfilled of course. I feel like if I had just gone over there this whole thing could have been avoided, but at the same time, I’m torn because I feel like it may have just delayed the inevitable. As a result of everything, she seems to have accepted that she wasn’t dealing with any of the things that were bothering her at all. She is now planning to get professional help, which is good.
I’m really glad that she’s thinking this way and that she’s OK after everything, but I’m a little shaken by all of this too. She’s an amazing person but she’s one of these people that, no matter how often you tell her that, she refuses to accept it. The thought that someone like her would choose to end their own life is just something I can’t come to terms with and I’m really bothered by the whole thing. I feel kind of nauseous, guilty and really depressed right now. She seems to be taking it all in stride though, which I guess is good.
As for the experience itself, it was pretty strange. The patients there are moved around 2 at a time, they are not allowed to have anything that might harm them (spiral notebooks for example), and they all wear slippers. I did notice a guy wearing shoes without laces, so I think perhaps they are not allowed to have shoelaces. It makes it pretty easy to tell who is a patient and who is not though. One of the other girls there had her wrists all bandaged up, which is a very sobering sight.
Well, I really don’t have a point to this post other than wanting to get my thoughts out. Sadly, I think I’ve done a pretty bad job of that. This whole thing is weird and I’m just having a little problem dealing with it. Maybe having this here will help.
EDIT: She’s long since been released from the hospital and is doing extremely well. To some extent, she’s like a completely different person which I’m really happy about. I can’t really explain why…. it’s not because she’s changed really, she just seems to be handling life much better than she was, if that makes sense. Anyway, I’m really happy that she’s OK!